February 2008
8 posts
Thanks a lot, Mr. Buzzkill
Me: Do you have any tape head cleaner?
Radio Shack Dude: Audio or video?
Me: Audio.
Radio Shack Dude: We have two [one $6 and another $12]
Me: Other than $6, what's the difference between these two?
Radio Shack Dude: One is a demagnetizer too. You don't need that unless you're recording.
Me: My tape deck in my car keeps spitting out my iPod adapter. I thought it was just the cold, but now it's doing it all the time.
Radio Shack Dude: Well it probably won't work, but it's not very expensive.
Well thanks a lot, Mr. Buzzkill.
p.s. no thanks to Mr Negativity, it worked just fine.
January 2008
27 posts
CSI:Lost Without A Clue
The following took place at a party at the end of December 2007.
Her: "Due to the writer's strike, they're bringing Lost back early. It was supposed to be February, but they moved it up to January."
Me: "Really? Huh, I thought I had heard it was January a long time ago."
Her: "**NO**, it was going to be February. They moved it because of the writers' strike."
She said this as if I had tried to say that water is dry. I could literally see the capital letters and asterisks.
I, however, had a deep suspicion she was wrong, misinformed, whatever.
It took a great deal of moral strength not to pull out my iPhone and confirm it right there.
But I didn't.
I let it go.
I had, in fact, forgotten all about it until today.
Today is January 31st, i.e. the last day of January before the first day of February.
Tonight is the season premiere of Lost.
So she was all excited about the fact that they had moved Lost into January as a dramatic change, from February. Of course this is a rather pathetic thing to get excited about, especially when it is only one day before February.
From everything I can find online, January 2008 was mentioned as far back as March 2007, however there were some references to February 7th.
Wheeee! We got a week! (maybe)
Remember: don't argue at parties.
Even if you win, who cares?
Are they going to leave thinking "He was right!" or "Wow he's a jerk!"? My guess is the latter.
Levels of Video
1) YouTube, Google Video, etc that I watch once and forget.
2) YouTube, Google Video, etc that I watch once, send to a few people, and forget.
3) YouTube, Google Video, etc that I watch once, send to a few people, save to my hard drive, and forget.
4) TV shows that I TiVo
5) TV shows that I download (thanks for the freebies, iTunes!)
6) TV shows that I TiVo and, while I’m watching,...
Where did you say you were?
Me: where are you?
Her: leaving the house. I have to go to Subway to pick up lunch for the office.
Me: ok I’ll meet you there
Her: ok but it will take me longer to get there than you. I’m just pulling the cake out of the oven.
Me (thinking): didnt you just say you were leaving the house?
Me (speaking): ok
Pulp Muppets
New Soul by Yael Naim (aka "The MacBook Air Song")
“Voting in a presidential election is like choosing between being punched in the...”
– Dad
Jim Gaffigan on Bottled Water and Mexican Food
Note: If it says “Video no longer available” click it anyway. Their webmaster is apparently back on the pipe.
New from General Mills: Frackenberries
So I was charged (read: hired) as part of an ongoing project with finding a way to setup a database of contact information for about 1000+ people which is being maintained by 3 people across the eastern seaboard.
Looked at Filemaker.
Looked at Filemaker Hosted Databases.
Looked at Mac OS X Server.
Looked at Mac OS X Server on a Mac Mini.
Looked at Mac OS X Server on a Mac Mini running...
Sure, but if we were trying to fix a computer...
Me: The garage is in here (opens door to garage)
Repairman: Yup, you've got a broken spring.
Me: (stunned as to the speed of diagnosis) Really? Where?
Repairman: There (pointing to a 4" gap in the thing which is logically speaking most likely a giant spring, which, now that he mentions it, does look particularly broken, considering that the spring on the other side has no similar gap.)
“The last part of your body to recover from alcoholism is the middle finger on...”
– My Dad (note: Why the left hand? That’s the one that you put out the window while driving in the USA. UK alcoholics may find it’s the other hand.)
The words you're looking for are "Thank You"
AT&T Inc. on Thursday said fourth-quarter earnings jumped almost 62%, boosted by acquisitions and the addition of an industry record 2.7 million net mobile customers.
Thoughts, in no particular order:
1) Hope Steve is getting a nice basket of fruit today.
2) They ought to use it to buy APPL stock
3) Oh shit, a story about how well AT&T is doing because of their alliance with Apple? ...
WatchCarlos Alazraqui from his recent performance on Comedy Central.
Trust Me
Elder: I'm mad at you.
Me: Well, get in line. What'd I do now?
Elder: I'm typing up my article for the newsletter, and you won't let me type it in uppercase.
Me: Well, that's true. It's easier to read.
Elder: No it isn't.
Me: Trust me, it really is.
Elder: It's harder for me to read.
Me: What if I increase the zoom level in Word?
Elder: What?
Me: Like this (click)
Elder: Well that's better. But I still like uppercase.
3rd Party (who just walked in): Why are you mad at him?
Elder: He won't let me type my newsletter article in uppercase.
3rd Party: It's easier to read.
I resisted the urge to say HA!
Hitler as Cowboys Fan
Steps to a Happier Marriage
Her: What were you up to early for?
Me: Racquetball.
Her: I didn't realize you were playing today. I just heard you walking around grumbling and swearing.
Me: Ended up late because I couldn't find my stuff. For some reason it was on the rocking chair in the living room [which you can't see unless you are in it]. As if I was ever going to find it there!
Her: (Defensively) *You* probably put it there when you were cleaning up the other day.
Me: (Confused as to her defensiveness) I'm absolutely certain that's exactly what I did, although *why* I would put it in such a stupid place is beyond me.
Her: Oh, I thought you thought *I* put it there.
Me: No, I'm completely convinced of my own ignorance.
Colbert Report: Lynn Westmoreland and the 10...
Take a Number... and Use It
I drop my car off at the shop at 11:30 for a 2 p.m. appointment, just in case they can get it in sooner.
“Should take about an hour,” he says.
I make a point of leaving my cell phone number.
He makes a point of taking my cell phone number.
I watch him write it down, clearly, next to my name on the appointment book.
Time passes. 2 p.m. arrives. 2:30 p.m. 3. 3:30.
I...
Regarding Natural Beauty
There is little I find as beautiful as a snow-covered New England.
The latest storm was enough to leave buildings and trees dusted with snow without being so heavy as to bring down power lines.
The end result is visually stunning, probably more so if you don’t live here to see it all the time and experience snow more as a nuisance.
1 tag
Competing Theories on Snow Removal
Being a religious man, my attitude towards snow removal has always leaned heavily towards the laissez-faire “God put it there, let God take it away.”
After 34 years I still can’t convince my mother of the wisdom of this position.
And so, being home on vacation, I cleared off her car before it froze overnight.
As always, a prophet is without honor in his hometown.
1 tag
“Grammy, can I turn off the Christmas tree? I think we’re running out of...”
– Ethan (who really just wanted to use the on/off switch you control with your foot - however if you’ve seen Grammy’s house at Christmas time, you know it is a valid concern)