March 2008
17 posts
This Is Why I Rent Movies Alone
Her: Did we not have enough movies here that you felt you needed to rent more?
Me: I wanted to laugh, I wanted a movie I hadn't seen.
Her: What did you get.
Me: Death at a Funeral
Her: Well, that sounds like a laugh-a-minute.
(Sigh)
Could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
Tourist: Could you give us directions to Olive Garden?
New Yorker: No, but I could give you directions to an actual Italian restaurant.
Tourist: And that, your honor, is when I beat his arrogant New York City ass.
Judge: Sorry about that, we get a lot of these self-righteous windbags. Case dismissed, he had it coming.
(If you don't use Tumblr, the above probably won't make any sense. Nor if you are a snootier-than-thou blowhard who "wouldn't be caught dead at an 'chain' restaurant." Life is short, unclench your ass.)
What To Expect When You're Talking On A Cell Phone...
Wired: Love It or Hate It, In-Flight Cellphone Use Has Arrived
Found via: Geekerella Alert
As soon as I read that article, I imagined what it would be like to be sitting on a plane next to some self-important loudmouth jerk who can’t disconnect for 2 hours.)
Him: HEY BOB, GUESS WHAT? I’M CALLING FROM THE PLANE.
Me: Bob! He’s sleeping with your wife, dude!
Him: NO,...
Giving Me Things To Get Done
So David Allen just sent out information about a new free article that he has written about managing the onslaught of email. I decided I wanted a copy, so I clicked the link, where they told me to add it to my cart, then login to my account, then they emailed me 1) a download link, 2) a copy of my purchase request, and 3) a receipt. David, my friend, can I mention that if you had just given me a...
Unclear on the Concept
Wife: Don't forget I have book club tonight.
Me: Didn't you say that you hadn't read the book because you couldn't remember what it was?
Wife: Yeah?
Me: But you're still going to book club.
Wife: Why not?
Me: So this isn't so much a "book club" as it is an excuse to get away for a few hours.
Wife: Be home around 10 or so!
1 tag
It's Important To Be Able To Have Some Secrets
(On our way home today, Ethan was quite quiet and looking out the window, seemingly deep in thought.)
Me: What are you thinking about?
Ethan: Nothing, I was just looking out the window.
Me: Oh, ok, it just looked like you were thinking about something.
Ethan: No, I was just remembering something.
Me: What were you remembering?
Ethan: (Long pause) You really don't want to know
Me: Ok then
Why I Hate eBay
Auctioneer: Tonight we have this lovely WidgetRama 1000 for sale. Who'll give me $5?
Man: $5
Auctioneer: I have $5, who'll give me $10?
Woman: $10
Auctioneer: I have $10, who'll give me $15?
Guy: $15
Auctioneer: I have $15, who'll give me $20?
Girl: $20
Auctioneer: I have $20, who'll give me $25?
(Silence)
Auctioneer: I have $20 from the lovely lady in red, anyone bid higher?
(Silence)
Auctioneer: I have $20 going once....
(Silence)
Auctioneer: I have $20 going twice....
(Silence)
Sniper: $21!!!
Auctioneer: SOLD for $21
(bangs gavel)
